Ever have those moments where you want to post “what’s on your mind”, you kept typing but you just can’t seem to express the right words.
For me, there are two reasons: 1) fear of judgement, misunderstanding and nosy people. 2) just really cannot find the right words.
How am I feeling today? What am I thinking?
I had a rough heart break a few days back. It’s been awhile to feel something this hurtful again. Those years you try to dodge something and when you decided to take risk, face it head on, it just went crashing over a bridge and sinking deep down the sea… waiting to just fully fades out of the darkness.
You ask yourself, what is wrong with people? Why can’t people just mean what they really say. And if you’re not sure, why say it anyway and make someone believe it…? Why does it have to be words that will make your heart throbs? Words that makes you feel scared but excited? Why did I even believe… It’s not wrong to believe… It’s not wrong to trust. But it hurts when those are broken… Especially with someone you were almost sure they wont break them… No physical harm can ever compare how painful betrayal is. No matter how big or small, betrayal is painful beyond compare to anything. I may die with physical pain… but getting your heart broken with betrayal is much worse. OK so that maybe too exaggerating.
Why does it have to be him? I thought I was careful… I thought I know for sure… He convinced me about alot of “assuring” things. “you’re the only one”… “i won’t leave”… “you are more than i deserve”… “you are more than i can ask for”… I thought I know for sure… What did I miss?
The questions that i may never know and may not want to know the answers to… and maybe i do not have to. Because “who cares” right? “Who cares, he is not worth it. He doesn’t deserve you” Thats what people have been saying. And yes, I know they are right… Still hurts.
What’s on my mind… I know it lacks composure. I am not even gonna bother trying to make it better… ‘coz this is how it is… a heart-broken-mess.
P.S.
I will move on.
Thoughts Overload 